


Winter's Gate

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Blood, F/F, I am so sorry, Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: Erin was good at several things, but never at facing her feelings. But there's time, right? There's always time. Until there isn't.





	

Erin was good at several things. Particle physics, for example, she was really good at that. Coming up with plans for their busts was a skill she possessed too, organizing all their stuff at their HQ was another one – except for Holtzmann’s stuff, because she had given up on that, the engineer always bringing chaos back within a matter of hours – and, a skill not many would have thought she had, she made a mean mojito every now and then.

She had several skills, but facing her feelings was not one of them – burying them, ignoring them, this was something she was better at. Especially if those feelings concerned Holtzmann.

She knew that Holtzmann liked her, and not just as a friend, she _knew_ ; she wasn’t quite ready to face this though, she wasn’t even sure if she ever would be, so unused to someone showing genuine interest in her like that.

So, she ignored the flirting and the little presents and the warm smiles and the winks the best she could, ignored how all of this made her heart skip and her cheeks redden; the best reaction Holtzmann could hope for was a shy smile, sometimes nervous laughter, but never more than that.

It appeared though that the engineer was content with that, or endlessly patient; she never pushed, not even when Erin was drunk – on her own mean mojitos, no less – and cuddlier than usual, perfectly content with being a friend to Erin, and nothing more.

There was time, after all, both Erin and Holtzmann thought, time for Erin to come to terms with what she felt, and figure out how to handle it, and then act on it; and once that had happened, they both reasoned, in the quietness of their bedrooms at night, things would be good and wonderful.

They never had considered that their time might be cut short.

It happened during a bust, and it happened so fast, too; the ghost, a man who had been a butcher before his afterlife and perhaps a serial killer, too, had attacked them with a variety of ghostly, but deadly butcher’s tools, throwing and stabbing and shrieking at them, and then he had thrown a knife, and Erin had seen it come hurtling towards her.

She’s had a second to brace herself, knowing this would hurt – and then there was the flash of blonde, and Holtzmann was in front of her, and Erin knew she would never forget the noise Holtzmann made when the blade hit her, burying itself deep in her chest.

“No!” she heard someone scream, while the ghost laughed, for another second at least, then the proton grenade exploded beneath him and cut his laughter short, “no, no, _please no!”_

Belatedly, she recognized the voice as her own, crying out those words over and over again as Holtzmann’s legs buckled and Erin caught her, keeping her from hitting the ground; they had made an agreement, a while ago, that, if anyone of them should get hurt, the others would go on, take care of the ghost first, but that agreement was wiped clear from Erin’s mind, and she didn’t even notice how Abby and Patty kept up the fight, all her focus on the woman in her arms.

The ghost perished, and when it did, the knife vanished too, and blood gushed from the wound, hot and sticky, over Erin’s hands and arms, but she couldn’t care less, blinking her eyes furiously so her tears wouldn’t blur her sight as she held the engineer as close as she could.

“Holtz”, she forced herself to sound calm and normal, not wanting her to see how upset she was, “Holtz, lie still, hold on, you’re gonna be okay. I promise, you’re gonna be okay…”

“S’bad”, Holtzmann brought out in reply, blood trickling from the corners of her mouth and down her chin, “hurts. Bad.”

“I know”, Erin reassured her, her mind reeling as she tried to cope with what had happened – Holtzmann had done this for her, had taken this hit _for her_ , and all of this was her fault, if she only had paid more attention…

“It’s gonna be okay”, she lied again, tears trailing down her cheeks, “just… don’t talk, don’t move, it’s gonna be…”

“No”, Holtzmann interrupted her, voice strained with pain, her breathing harsh and hectic, “it’s… too bad. Too much.”

“No”, Erin whispered, holding her as close as she could, as if she could stop this by just holding her tight enough, “no. You can’t, please, you can’t. Holtz…”

The engineer took another laboured breath in reply, but before she could say something, Erin closed the small distance between them and pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s; and somehow, even though she was dying, Holtzmann managed to kiss her back, just enough to let her feel it.

“I’m sorry”, Erin whispered as she pulled back from their first and last kiss, a kiss which had tasted of blood and tears, “I wish I had been braver. I’m sorry.”

“S’okay”, Holtzmann reassured her, still reassured her even though she was the one who was dying, “you were… brave now. Always brave.”

“I’m sorry”, Erin repeated, feeling Holtzmann grope for her hand and grasping it firmly, reassuring her that she was there; there was so much more she wanted to say, but not even now she found the words, and so, she just held her, crying quietly into her hair as her breath became weaker and weaker.

Erin wanted to ask her not to go, to stay, to come back, if she could; she knew it would lead nowhere though, knew that Holtzmann couldn’t stay, and didn’t want to force her into coming back, and so all she did was hold her, and cry, until the laboured, harsh breathing stopped.

“I’m sorry”, she whispered once more the second after Holtzmann had let out her last breath, just in case she could still hear her; and then, she just sat there, and held her, even though it was just a body now, with no life left in it.

She sat like that until they gently made her let go, and led her away; and with each step she took, she thought of a lost chance, of a moment she had let pass by unused, and her heart hardened until she was cold and numb, the tears gone by the time they stepped out of the building.

She wished Holtzmann had found someone more worthy for this sacrifice, and this thought was what hardened her heart most of all.

_The fire dies in a single breath  
The end has come_

**Insomnium – Winter’s Gate Part 5**

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. It's all the fault of this song, I swear. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jGikqvm5xc


End file.
